Throw Them Out

Last night, after a delightful meal at the local Japanese restaurant and the winning of a pub quiz, I came home switched on the TV and was confronted with the despicable, derisible and disgusting face of Piers Morgan on the American celebrity apprentice. This show, on the BBC at the moment runs the same format a the British celebrity apprentice. The shame that this individual brings upon the nation is massive, how can this man still be allowed to represent Britain on the international stage? In the episode last night (01/08/2011) he started a spying war with the opposite team, after this all went tits up members on both teams and even Donald Trump used the term ‘British’ as an insult but when Morgan used the term ‘Very fat Italian’ towards a member of his team there were shouts that this was a racial slur. Surely if one is a racial slur then the other is as well but no one jumps to the defense of the use of the term ‘British’ and as it is used towards Piers Morgan in a way I can’t blame them but how did the term British become an acceptable insult? It probably because of people just like Morgan and the other celebrity representatives like him. Can’t we take away his and the others citizenship? There is also some speculation that Morgan will be dragged into the current newspaper hacking scandal from his time at the Daily Mirror and surely this can’t be to bad a thing, thats if it does happen, as then we can have a reason to pass him onto another nation. Wanker!

In other news the USA is seeming to come to some sort of agreement about its current debt crisis, although what that agreement will be nobody seems to be to sure. In the UK and in todays press there are call for Britain not to fall into the same kind of clutches as the USA and its most wonderful Tea Party. The Tea Party is calling for ‘no taxation’, this is based in a country with some of the lowest taxes in the world, with no true social welfare system and a large gap between rich and poor. This from a country that used to have to the motto, out of many, one. A country that allows the rich to get richer while having no requirement to look after the little people of their own nation. So the motto of the original Boston Tea Party ‘No Taxation without Representation’ seems to be turned on its head, taxation without representation, thats if you are poor of course. In America the idea of philanthropy is one way in which the rich and super-rich can make meaningful donations towards the state and towards charity.Often at public galas, which can’t but help there public image.

In the UK there is the idea of the BIG SOCIETY, an idea brought about by the governments and David Cameron's blue sky thinker Steve Hilton. A man much lambasted in Charlie Brookers Guardian column on monday (01/08/2011) Is this an attempt to push the American style of public Philanthropy on a small scale? Who really has that much spare time, especially in a year which sees thousands of charities receiving funding cuts from the government and thats not even mentioning the cuts in the arts sector and the cuts in education and the increasing of tuition fees. So how can I, a student, in almost full time employment, home owner and aspiring something or other really give anytime or money to anything. Those with spare time mostly have money and as the rich pay tax, apart from Phillip Green who avoided a massive tax bill by moving his assets into his wife's name (and others like him) why should they become involved as they already put large sums of money into the economy through the aforementioned taxation? One possible answer is to start to hunt down the unpaid and avoided tax bills of the rich, avoidance of tax, even through legitimate loop holes surely is a failing of the state and the systems which nurture them in there younger years. A tax bill of £300 billion or thereabouts and thats not even including the fines. £300 Billion, thats a lot of income into the economy which could be invested in schools, industry and anything else which needs a bit of a fix. Well we shall see what happens in the USA, maybe by the time I publish this it might be well on its way to being decided and as for us in the UK well we will just have to wait and see.

THAT IS ALL.

And now for TODAYS RECIPE.

Lets see, mmmmmmmm, I’m going to go for Baked smoked Haddock.
First prepare a mix of eggs (3) a little dash of cream, a dash of milk salt and pepper, whisk until a smooth well mixed liquid. Boil a few new potatoes until just about cooked, chop and add to a ceramic dish, say about 10 centimetres across and about 5 cm deep. add a few chopped spring onions and some flaked smoked haddock, top up the dish with the egg mixture and sprinkle with paprika and black pepper. Place in the oven at about 180c for roughly 20 mins or until the bake has a quiche like quality. Serve with salad and a nice glass of dry white, maybe a sauvignon blanc, but make it a good one and eat outside in the sun.

See you Later.

There they go again

So it has been a while hasn't it. I have been away and now I am back and something has got my goat. First let's look at a video

Is there anything you notice? Well they all have an accent and they are all men and there lies the problem.

This well known establishment has the most sexist policy I have ever heard of. It has long been a agreed fact within the world of catering that a mans position is behind the bar or on the front desk and the ladies are on the floor serving tables. This might seem sexist but it most defiantly has a practical side more heavy lifting is involved in bar work not to mention the shifting of barrels and women generally have a nicer temperament to wait on tables apart from that god knows why it is always a male maitre'd in all the movies. These distinctions are all blurred in the modern world of catering. Or so I thought......

This wonder of deco design and italian style is akin to one of Berlusconi's bangs bangs parties. The current Italian prime minister is well known for his attitude to the fairer sex. I didn't think that this extended to the whole nation but guess I should have known better.

it seems that inside this restaurant male chauvinism is alive and well. Two friends of mine have worked in this location, both attractive females and both fully capable at any job a restaurant might throw at you. One of my friends was told she was to ugly to work there, well not told to her face she overheard two of the managers talking loudly in italian a language that she happens to be close to fluent in. The other lady, after working seventy hour weeks at a well known hotel chain, got told that she was too short to work on reception, could only run food to table (to be seen but not heard) and at most could only possibly handle working a maximum of a twenty five hour week, this was of course because she was of the lesser, weaker, stupider sex.

How can it be that in this modern world a place such as this exists? How can this happen? Well it seems that the world of catering is the forgotten profession. No private health care and no options for pensions, fifteen hour shifts with one break, sexist managers and staff, low wages, breaking the law at many levels and what worse? The fact that this industry is glamorised by the media but is not investigated for approaches such as this, or the employment of chefs from abroad so wages can be lower, that's rather close to slave labour for my liking. I am not saying that all restaurants and establishments are run in this way it just seems that a lot have this hidden behind the scenes and I haven't even mentioned the bullying that chefs seem to get away with to the extent that it is accepted on tv and seen as entertainment.

So what can we do? Well first of just don't go to this restaurant, support independents that are on the small scale, in the Leeds area think reliance, rivers meet in ls26 or just anywhere that seems to be nice, the food is not that good at bibi's anyway, last time I ate there the steak tartar tasted like fish. THAT IS ALL.

And now for a new feature that I am going to call TODAY'S RECIPE catchy eh, and as a treat today you will get two.

Broad bean anti- pasti

Shell and cook the beans in boiling salted water for five minutes then rinse with cold water and peel.
Chop a good handful of basil, a large handful, and crush and chop 3 cloves of garlic. Mix the beans, basil and garlic in a bowl with olive oil, just enough to cover the beans, add three drops of Tabasco ( or more if you like it spicy) salt and pepper to taste and a tiny splash of either cider or White wine vinegar. Stir all in together and put in the fridge to chill. Works well as a cold accompaniment to chicken or warm summer salads, great with cheese and on a ploughmans.

Quick tomato salsa.

Quarter as many tomatoes as you wish ( cherry or small vine tomatoes are best) finely chop shallots or sweet red onions, mix in a bowl with a good glug of olive oil and a good glug of White wine vinegar, salt and pepper to taste, but the salt is important it will draw the liquid out of the tomatoes and provide more flavour. Leave this mix to sit in the fridge for a while. Just add tobacco to make it spicy.

The Problem with your penis is....

The Problem with your penis is ........

IT MAKES YOU A F*(&K(*G IDIOT! Either you are a blown up testosterone filled retard who is looking to fight or you are some home seeking mummies boy who can’t fight his way out of a paper bag, which is it? Hey I am all for the gym and being a little bit trimmer but do i really need man pecks like that? I am not a lumber jack! And even If I was I think there might be a song about how I should act!

I mean my penis tells me that it is still possible to fight nazi’s in Egypt and that colonialism was a good thing, but yours, well, it just tells you to do what you want and not think of others. Why is it when I see you in a pub or propping up the bar you are talking with a mouth full of s$%t? What kind of name do you want to give the male side of the species?

Talking about being on the Male Side of the force (yes another penis reference) don’t think that those with a womb will escape my wrath. A womb is also no excuse to act like a total F*(&KW(T. You also have a responsibility to others, you must also act like you care, act like you can function in the everyday world, act like a human being, even if that kind of human is not what you feel like right now. Stand in line, take one for the team, man/women up and become some part of society. This is our world and together we can make it a better place no matter what we have to suffer.

Suffering, well it doesn’t have to be an act of ones self, we can all share and with this act of sharing we can spread the despondency until it becomes one of joy, the joy of sharing, the joy of helping someone else and the joy of friendship. We can help each other and no matter what, unless you listen to your angry penis a bit to much, you are not alone, you are not the first and, by a long way, you will not be the last. Yes my penis might tell me to be Doctor Who, yes someone else’s penis told him he could win the race and these are the times to listen to that bit of sponge like flesh but it also says you are not alone, it also said forgive sins and except the hands of your brother man, it said take one for the team but don’t forget we are a team, fight nazi’s but don’t forget that without Marcus Brodie, a man who once got lost in his own museum, we might as well pack up and go home.

So when I see you next in a pub, propping up the bar or pumping iron down the gym, remember to smile. We are all part of the same humanity, we will all fight for what we think is right and more often than not we will agree. Talk to me my brothers and sisters. I might act like a C*&T at times but that doesn’t mean I am, or even that I want to act in that way. It’s just the dark side of my penis. I make no excuses but don’t forget that I love you all. A handshake is good (especially if I don’t know you) but a hug is better. Embrace old friends and embrace new ones and most of all wear sunscreen.

THAT IS ALL.

The problem with my penis is.....

The Problem With My Penis Is......

Well for one I think it might be German, it seems to salute at about the right angle! He ( and he will be a ‘he’ during this article’) gets easily distracted and I am not just talking about the usual supposed things, girls, fast cars, guns and the like I mean in fantasy and not the fantasy of girls, fast cars, guns and the like but a different kind of fantasy. If the lights go out in an empty house who is the first to think they heard a noise? If you see a superhero movie who is the first to think I could do that? And one other thing, is the penis part of the, now disproved, collective consciousness or collective ego of the male man or is it the whole?

I see my penis as my inner child. He gets ideas above his station, has dreams that are impossible, there is no way I can never actually be Sherlock Holmes but that doesn’t mean my penis can’t bleed that dream into the rational part of my brain. Is it this inner child/penis that drive the male man forward in his never ending quest to be irrational? to pretend he knows where he’s going without looking at a map? To put together furniture without looking at the instructions? To go to the Moon? When a child all these things seem infinitely possible and if they prove themselves not to be, well we bounce, bones heal quickly, dented egos get panel beaten and in the long summers of our childhoods we try again. So what changes? Does the penis now have a recognisable voice? One that we have learned to consider and then ignore? I hope Not!

In adulthood all must be more considered, we have responsibilities, things hurt more and maybe running round a wood with a stick that although you think it looks like a gun doesn’t really puts you at the centre of ridicule. But should it be this way? On sunday the 12th of June a stunning race took place in Montreal. One of the best grand prix in a long time and what made it exciting......... Thats right the Penis. Should Hamilton have tried to over take, no but his inner penis told him that if he didn’t then dreams might not come true, Buttons penis told him that he could win from twenty-first and not to drive a super conservative race. One of these decisions came good, Button, and the other not so good but they listened and it made it exciting and it drove both of them forward. What makes England think it can win the world cup every time? for sure it is not the current quality of the squad so it must be the collective dreams and wills of millions of English penises.

And I think that is my point. If we stop listening to the irrational, inner child penis what will we become or in some cases what have we become? A scrooge who will never meet his three ghosts, humanity without being human, stuck in a world with well made furniture but nothing to watch on Tv (probably no TV). We would be a world of sheep with no one to follow. So good bless my Penis, even if he is sometimes a bit foolish.

Now come Watson get the bullwhip and head into the tardis.... The game is afoot.

THAT IS ALL.