For your flies only.
So we have set of on holiday, had the wonder of the delayed flight,the school trip at the back of the aircraft and old people who don't seem to understand seat numbers or even English even though they have thick yorkshire accents. Why do we do this kind of thing to ourselves? Why do we, for supposed pleasure, put our feeble squishy bodies inside a metal tube and launch it at a foreign land with the minimum of luxury? Of course I am talking about the wonder of the 'low-cost' airline. The smell infested, uber expensive, cheap form of mass tourist travel. The ticket is cheap, baggage not so much, coffee, bad coffee at that it's like someone drank some good coffee wee'd it out drank the urine rinsed there mouth out with water spat that water into a cup and added hot water and sold it to me at a shockingly over exaggerated price just because I happen to be trapped in this toilet roll tube of an aircraft and don't even get me started on the food.
So why have I put myself on such a flight? Well a short nip over the channel is all it really is, two hours at the most, two hours of hell but two hours only. I can avoid the toilet, I won't have to eat and next time I'll remember to stay away from the coffee. The thing is at the airport I saw cheap airlines advertising flights to China! China from Leeds-Bradford airport, the fancy garden shed, the airport with no main road to it, nonsense. Who in their right mind would put themselves through that? Twelve hours maybe, twelve hours of children who have no seat back entertainment, I can't avoid the one toilet onboard for twelve hours, I might not have to poo but there will definitely be liquid, I can't avoid food for twelve hours and I probably can't avoid farting either but then that will just add to the joyless recycled air that I will be forced to breath. I have travelled long haul flights many times before but at least I have attempted to do it in comfort and style. Economic comfort and style but with the big boys. If I fly with the one of the big airlines I don't have to pay extra just to put a bag in the hold, I get given food and drink for "free" I have more room, the seats are more comfortable, there are more toilets and I don't feel like the plane is going to fall apart if I remove the chewing gum from the seat I mean it has obviously been left there by the cleaning crew so must be of great importance to the structural stability of the aircraft fuselage.
I know a cheap ticket to China or New York maybe tempting, I reckon your probably thinking that you can hold on to that wee for twelve hours and who needs food, I know if I just had one of those distilling suits that the fremen have in Dune then I could defiantly survive a budget flight for twelve hours I mean Paul survived in the desert didn't he? And he had those giant worms to contended with.......... Well stop it! If you can't afford to fly for that long in at least a little bit of comfort is it with it? Culturally the answer maybe yes but you will arrive a broken miserable wreck of your former self, it is even questionable if you will recover for the duration of your stay or ever and then if you do recover physically there is still the mental torture not only of your journey to the far flung wonderland but that slow sweaty creeping inevitable fear that how ever bad your journey was on the way the return flight will be twice as nasty. The food twice as sorry for itself and the flight crew twice as tired.
so just don't do it. Pay the extra and arrive rested and entertained and enjoy your holiday from the off, no need to hide in a hotel for two days to recover, just off the plane and have fun in the world.
THAT IS ALL
